Lessons from Establishing a Home, Part 176

If you hear any of the following statements from a customer service representative, chances are that you are not in a very delightful situation:

• "Yeah, those packages were sent to Laurel. You don't live there?"
• "I can't replace just that part, but I will sell you a whole new muffler."
• "Your rates are affected by where you live, and unfortunately, rates are higher in that neighborhood."
• "You got married? Congratulations. I'll need four forms of proof to change anything on your account. Yes, fax is the only way. You don't have a fax machine?"
• "We have a tiny problem. Ok, not a problem. A hiccup."
• "Who did you talk to earlier--the girl with dreadlocks or the guy with dreadlocks?"
• "Your wallet isn't here."
• "The water in front of your washing machine couldn't have come from the machine. Your husband probably spilled something and was too embarrassed to tell you." [False.]
• "Take a number. The wait time is at least 2 hours."
• "You don't have a middle name? Why not?"
• "Yeah, I hate it when our drivers do that, too."
• "If you're insured through someone else, your personal belongings are in serious jeopardy."
• "I see that you contacted us several months ago, but your situation still hasn't been adjudicated."
• "We have no way of tracking that."
• "Did you ask your neighbors if they took it? That's probably what happened."
• "You didn't need to wait in line for an hour. The central office didn't actually do what they told you they did."
• "Your front door is at least 1-2 inches too short."

Joy.